But it rained ...

Sometimes you know that something is going to happen. You kind of have a premonition. Your good old friend had also seen the same days. But you have hopes. It's important for you since it's THE THING for which you do all this stuff. You try to prepare yourself for it. And suddenly the D - Day comes. You sit and listen. You listen to all the crap that the person in front of you is talking about. You suddenly "discover" things which are expected from you. Imagine, you are expected to know lot of things in a small time frame and you try for it. But poor you! the knowledge is so vast that your small information is hardly useful. Then what you do? You seek help. And there you are !!! You made a greatest mistake, you have done things which you are not supposed to do. You suddenly EAT UP other's precious time, so now the verdict is : face the music.

You have never felt so stupid before. You don't speak neither answer. You do have cards to play but someone with such a feeble brain is sitting in front of you that you take a step back. You don't shut yourself up completely, but again when you listen to the childish remarks from the other person, you feel awful. It's like you are talking to someone who knows it but tries to cut things in between, creates a scene in which he virtually BALANCES things. Really, your comments / opinions hardly matter in a predefined world. It's just an illusion that you see, which sometimes gives a feel that you are in control of things. You think, you WILL get what you have expected since you worked hard for it. But alas! some external factors make so much impact that your real efforts are not at all appreciated.

And you know the worst thing? It hurts. It god damn hurts a lot!!! It takes out the zest / joy of doing things. Had it been the case that you didn't put in efforts, then it's OK. But what is painful is instead of your honest contribution, you never get counted. You never get what you deserved. You get bitter lessons from life that teaches you hell lot of things and bring you back on Earth. You are not perfect, there are certainly things to be worked on, but they are weighed in such a negative manner that it crosses over every good thing that you have done before. And you know, you are sick of being called as GOOD, you starve to be EXCELLENT and in pursuit of this excellence you give your 100% and in doing that you forget about the system for which you are doing it.

The result is , you think it will shine tomorrow but it rains !!!